These last few days I feel like I am getting a lot of signs thrown in my face that what I want to do is the right choice for me. Just take a quick look at the last five posts or so and see everything. Just in the last three: I had the talk with my professor, I have started writing again, and I got recognized for last year's performance that I thought nobody remembered. Hell, nobody I knew even showed up to watch it for support (you can feel sorry for me later). I feel like this last week has been a series of reaffirming events that this truly is the right thing for me, and what happened today can be added to the list.
I went to a Finance Forum today here on campus thinking it was simply going to be a bunch of people talking about what they do everyday at their jobs, but it wasn't that. Far from it. There was almost little to do with finance, which was great for me because I have no interest in the field. What I took away from it is was just how hard all the people that were up there worked to get to where they are today.
They did not take the easy route. The choose to do things the hard way and learn the most they could every chance they had. They prepared themselves for the opportunities that came their way and luck followed. These people are not the norm. I know that, but these are the people that have chosen to want to do more with their lives. They are not going to stop once they reach that safe spot in the corner office. They won't stop until they have the office upstairs that takes up it's own floor. (That's just a metaphor for wanting something more. I would never solely work just for a bigger office, at least I would hope). One guy said to find something you love to do, AND that you are good at doing and you will be happy. That same guy said that the most he has every worked in a week is 143 hours, and on average works 115-125 hours a week. Nobody could do that if they did not like what they were doing.
Others that were there listening were blown away by this number, but I wasn't. Surprised? Sure, that's a helluva a lot of time. However, he found something he loved to do and is good at it and I don't think that he really considers it work. That's just what he does. Would I work 143 hours in a week to become a great actor? You're damn right I would, because when you do something you love it shouldn't feel like work. If it does feel like work then you don't love it. Sure sometimes things take "hard work" to accomplish them but if you truly love what you are doing then you are going to be intrinsically motivated to work hard to do the best you can. I don't know if any of this is making sense right now, it's pretty late and this could just be a little bit of a rant, but what I am trying to say is, I get what these people today were talking about and I get why they work the way they do.
They want to be the best and so do I. Maybe that is why I wasn't blown away by the 143 hour stat.
I get it.
They will do what it takes to succeed, and if that's 143 hours then I am ready to do more for what I want.
I got recognized today. All be it was from one of the theatre department professors here on campus, but hey, that still counts from something. It felt pretty good that at least one person remembered my performance. He seemed like a nice guy, cause before I had meet him today I was a little intimidated by him, but not so much anymore.
Also, I am pretty sure I got into his script analysis class for next quarter.
This has to be quick, I have a lot I still have to finish up tonight for other classes (reading articles and writing a paper on the causes of poverty from a source that doesn't even know what the causes of poverty are).
Anyways...
Throughout most of last week I was doubting myself. That big 18 page paper I wrote for one of my classes, I got the grades back on it and it was far lower than I expected it to be (it was a B-, and I was like WTF?) especially since upon completion I thought it was one of the best/most important things I had ever written. For the whole week I wasn't able to talk with my professor about it so for the whole week I was doubting my ability as a writer. Going into the paper I told myself, "I am going to write this my way and the way I want. I am going talk about what I want and I have enough faith in my writing ability that this will get me a good grade on this paper." A B- is not a good grade. Well at least not on something like this.
So on Thursday I was able to talk with my professor and right when I mentioned that I wrote 18 pages, 4 more than the required 14, he knew something was off. He went back and looked at my paper and his spreadsheet of the grades and both confirmed that a mistake had taken place. He told me that he remembered reading it and that he really enjoyed it. He also said that he believed I had a "real gift for writing" (even though it may not be showing here in this post). We continued this conversation about my plans of writing and acting for about 20 more minutes and it felt really good to just talk to someone about it all. It felt even better when I found out that I should not have been doubting myself (I tend to do this a lot; refer back to "not the one step forward I needed, but the one that will take me farther" post).
I could write more about this event (and I believe it will definitely be expanded upon further in another form of writing) but I must end this here and now by saying simply thank you to my professor. Thank you for making that slight error in grading, because if you hadn't I do not know if I ever would have gotten the privilege of having that conversation with you.
"WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT?!" The man yelled, and exclaimed profusely. And the old man replied, "I want hope. Peace on Earth. Happiness where there was once sadness. Light where it was once dark. Distance for people from the depressed, deprived, desecrated, disenfranchised, and destituted circumstances that too many find themselves in. I want all of this, and so much more. But I can't have it, now can I?"
