Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Tonight I very briefly outlined a project I have wanted to start writing for awhile now. Got what I wanted in each scene jotted down and it seems like a good start.

Glad to get this down and now time to get started on the first outlined/expanded draft.

I want a 25+ page draft done by the time I start back at school, sooooooo... we'll see what happens.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The AVATAR Experience

I watched my very first IMAX movie today and film will never be the same again.

What James Cameron has done with this work can only be described as genius. It must be seen in IMAX to be fully realized just what he has accomplished.

He created a new world and showed it to this world.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

the greatest love affair

"...their days were long, heedless, and full of that amazing laughter that paces the beginning and the run-along rush of any great love affair. They only stopped laughing long enough to kiss and only stopped kissing long enough to laugh at how odd and miraculous it was to find themselves with no clothes to wear in the middle of a bed as vast as life and as beautiful as morning."

-Ray Bradbury

Monday, December 7, 2009

I hate procrastina... (I'll just finish it later)

(post under construction. to be completed four months from now during winter quarter's finals week)


When I procrastinate studying for exams, I do things I have procrastinated doing for the least few months... like writing.

better or worse?

Maybe it was seeing the film Brothers the day before finals week started, or maybe I am just sick of this quarter and want it to be over.

I cannot bring myself to study for my last final, which is accounting, which is tomorrow. But just one more, just one more to go, then I am done for the quarter.

Back to Brothers for just a sec. That is the type of film that reinvigorates me to want to be an actor even more. It had some of the best acting of the year throughout the entire cast, and was such a solid film. Note: To anyone who watches the trailer on apple, trailer 1 is way better. It reminded me of the way films in the past were and films of the current should strive to be more like. There are not to many films out there like Brothers, and that is a shame.

I am so glad I saw it, even though it has sidetracked my thoughts during this finals week. But has it really sidetracked my thoughts, or just focused them even more?

That is the question.

Friday, December 4, 2009


Listen to the words that I speak when I spit
I know how to rhyme
and I know what's shit
I make it so sublime
it's like your takin' a hit
Please know right now, that's what I want just a bit.

I say, I wanna be an actor
You say, I'm no good
I say, Shut up foo! I told you I could
I go back home, everyone's lookin' at me
I say, what you lookin' at? I just wanna be free
To fly so high, and go Where Eagles Dare,
It's that one movie with Clint Eastwood where he gave the Nazis a scare.

I'm 47-0 in overtime, don't you tell me what to say
When I do it like this, I'm undefeated everyday
I could go back home, and cut some hay
But I say, na that's not for me, I do it my own way

I be breakin' down walls
Cause you ain't got the balls,
you ain't got no clue,
you have no idea what it is that I really do

I'm a crying little child,
I'm a mustang in the wild,
I'm Dr. Seuss reincarnate
I say fuck, not darn it
I'm a master of the arts,
I'm a liar with style

You give me your respect, I might just stay for awhile.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I just destroyed that essay.

I do not even care if I get the bonus credit on it anymore.

It is one of the best things I have ever written (the new part I wrote, that is), and even better, it is almost my entire philosophy on my hometown, education, acting, and dreams.

Update 12/6/09: I do care if I get bonus on it, because I am only 2 points from an A! Come on man!


Paper due in t minus 3 hours 29 minutes and unable to write it.

What's wrong with me?!!! Writing is supposed to be my thing, my niche, my bread and butter, my (fill in your own analogy here), but I just cannot seem to do it this time.

It is a Sociology essay about something...

Maybe that is my problem! I don't know what I have to write about, that's why I can't write about it. That makes sense right?

Well anyways procrastination must stop now and I need to finish... I mean START then finish this thing.

But on the flip side of the coin, once this paper is done and I take my test tonight, I'm done with this class for the quarter.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Et tu, Shakespeare?

Went to the Julius Caesar auditions tonight. Going there I told myself that there would be about a 10% chance that I would actually audition. Why such a low percentage? One, I would not be able to make the callback tomorrow, that is if I even got a callback, which would have been a very low chance in itself. Two, I would not be able to participate in full rehearsals in the coming months because of scheduling conflicts. Three, it is Shakespeare, and that is intimidating! I told myself I would look at the audition sides and see what I thought about them, then go from there as to whether I would audition or not.

There were about eight different sides to choose from and... I did not understand a single one of them. Damn you Shakespeare! With your awesomely complex beautifully poetic language. I am no match for you, yet that is.

I got some good advice from the sister tonight. It consisted of easing myself into things, and I think that is true for any actor. I cannot expect to do Shakespeare effortlessly with only one short film and a single one act under my belt. Shakespeare is the crème de la crème. If I somehow got a part in this play it would have been a lot of work. I would have had to translate every one of my lines and every one else's lines too, just to understand what was going on.

So to ease myself into Shakespeare for the future I will do the one act festival at the end of the year again, and maybe do two plays this time. I will audition next year for a full length non-Shakespearian play, and get a part. Then, after that, I may be halfway there to attempting Shakespeare.

Damn you Shakespeare!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Think: A Stance on Ethics

The other day my eyes were opened.

I am going to tell the truth right now.

Throughout this blog and in the past I have devoted posts to acting, writing, and film making, since these are my interests I want to pursue in the future. I can talk about how much I want to do these things, and how much I love to do these things, and how much fun I have when doing them, but the truth is, these things are hard to do, and lots of people want to do them. I realize this, and I realize that no matter how hard I try I just may never be good enough and reach where I want to get. Do not get me wrong, it will be a very long time before I ever give up this dream I have, but I do have to understand that right now it is still just a dream. It is not yet a reality.

The reality is, right now I am a business student at one of the best public business schools in California. In three years, when the recession has (hopefully) turned around, I should be able to get a pretty good job with the education I have received at this university, but I am not so sure I want that job.

Business is the backup plan to acting and film making. What I thought I would at least moderately like to do in business was advertising. It is a job that would allow me to use my creative instincts and storytelling abilities to sell products. See the film connection? Anyways, I have come to the realization that one day I may be advertising for a company that does not have the same ethical principles as I do. We hear stories of the corporations moving their factories to foreign countries in the effort of cutting cost, but what are they really cutting? They are simply increasing their profit margin when they do this. Also, when the corporations move to these countries they are heralded as heroes by the people, because they are providing jobs. These heroes provide jobs that pay cents on the hour to workers that produce clothes and other goods that retail for hundreds of dollars. Is that right? I have not yet even mentioned the companies that pose health risks to their customers with their products. Products that are consumed with the thought that they are healthy for you, when in reality they can kill you because of all the untested additives.

I now feel to work in advertising I would want to... no, have to research the companies I would be advertising for, because I do not think I could support and make money for a corporation that profits on the suffering of others. I do not think I could work for a company whose sole goal is to make as much money as possible, no matter the cost. The lack of remorse some companies show when their deceitful actions are found out by the public is despicable. I am going to spare the names of the multiple corporations that in just the last fifteen years have been found out to be corrupt. They will not be specifically mentioned in this post, and do you know why? It is because there are too many to list.

If I am forced to have a job and not a career, then I at least want my job to be something I can enjoy or feel good about doing. I want to find something that helps people and benefits them, I do not want to hurt them. That is what I would feel like I am doing if I was advertising for a corrupt corporation, even if I am not directly responsible. I would still know that what I would be doing is wrong, and that would be enough for me to stop.

I need to find that special something that can make me happy. I need to find that special something where I can use the skills I was blessed with to the best of my ability in enriching the lives of others, as well as my own life. My memory, my attention to detail, my sociological observations, my listening ears, and my tenaciousness.

I think I have found that special thing in my life. All I can do now is go forth with the support of the people in my life, my God-given skills, and try to be tenacious as I step out from the darkness behind the curtain and into the light of center stage.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

gone too long

I'm back.

Things need to change.

I have not been keeping up to date on this blog this year as much as I should have been. Last year, during school, I was posting pretty regularly, but this year, not so much. That needs to change. Not only do these posts help me build myself as a writer, they are also a good way to remember my college days when I go back and read old posts. So from now on, I will dedicate myself to write more posts.

I have not been writing. That needs to change. During the summer the ideas were flowing. I don't know whether it was being in Hanford that was motivating me to write more (because I wanted to find a way to get away from there) or whether it was that I simply had less on my mind and could focus better. Probably a combination of both. Anyways, it needs to change, because what I am doing now is not working. The goal was to finish one script a year, so by the time I graduate that would be three scripts. At this rate however, I will be lucky if I finish one feature length script in three years. That is simply not good enough. So from now on, I will dedicate myself to focus better and write more script based material.

I have not been taking care of myself. To little sleep and not enough exercise. That I have changed recently. I have started going to the gym and doing nightly exercises to get in shape. My roommate has said that everyone he has gone with has stopped going after a while, but that will not be me. I have the motivation, determination, and tenacity and only I will now the true meaning behind. I will not stop until I get where I want to go. As part of the exercise today, we climbed Bishops, the tallest mountain in SLO. I am not the biggest fan of heights, but it had to be done, and I am glad it happened. So from now on, it is exercise everyday to reach my goals.

I have not been building my craft. I am doing the little things to progress as an actor, but there is so much more I can do. I have come up with different exercises and routines that should work, but now I need to move them from the practice fields and give them some big game experience. Pretty soon this blog will take on a new form and become devoted to what I am doing each day to build my craft and progress as an actor. Auditions are coming up for next quarter's play "Julius Caesar." Shakespeare will be tough, and I may not get a part, I may not get a callback, but I will get an audition, and the least I can get from that is rejection. The thing that defines the actor; how much rejection can you take before you give up? The answer? However much rejection it takes until you reach the goals you have set for yourself. When do you know you have reached your goals? Never. You should always be setting newer, bigger, and better goals to achieve, that way there is aways something more to do. So from now on, the craft is going pro.

I have not been keeping to touch with the people that are important to my life and make me who I am. That needs to change, big time. They are the motivation behind everything I do. The last couple days I have been trying to reach out more to the people from my past and see how things are going, but I need to raise the effort and go further. Not just for the people I already know either. I need to meet more people and get to know them. Know their personalities, learn their stories. The more the better, it will only help me in one way or another. Either I will meet a good character and get a good story, or I will get rejected, which could prove to be even more beneficial. So from now on, "Hello, my name's Eric. How are you today? Be honest."

I said change my life this Wednesday, and hopefully this is the start of it.

I'm coming back, and not with a whimper, but with a bang.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

frustatingly ambitious

Listening to Maroon 5 on shuffle and thinking about... everything.

So much I want to do right now, but too bogged down to actually do any of it.

This could be the perfect title of my autobiography.

Note to self: Change the tone of your negative blog you PRICK! Change your life this Wednesday.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

too tired to bitch (even I'm shocked)

If I had the time I would write a post devoted to bitching about accounting that would put the stats posts in the past to shame. But I just don't care enough, or want to devote any more time to accounting than I already have to.

In other news...

I need to write more, and actually finish the post I started three days ago.

Things need to slow down.

I need to focus better.

So thinking about it... nothing's changed.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

no whey!

Chocolate milk + tuna (at 2:30 in the morning) = no need for protein powder.

Sophomore sixteen here I come.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Eve

cramming in a five-seater with seven? DUI checkpoints? no way. walking down a mile+ with a group of seven only knowing one? yes please. Result? Found a party by walking before people driving found one, found a nice looking tree, tried to give directions with music on = fail, left that place, walked more, passed some cops, went to an apartment, meet new people, saw a dude dressed in a dress, gave directions without music on = success, left that place, walked more, parking lots, narrow passageways between houses and fences, backyards, found another nice looking tree, walked though a frat house, cut through a fence, into a crowd of people, got the guys taken care of, tapped out, left, walked more, almost got impaled in the liver (ironic) by a steel rod sticking up through the ground four feet high, jaywalked, got punched in the stomach by some chick passing by as I was getting out of her way to give her the sidewalk, back to first house, everyone outside, thought my friends were talking to an undercover cop but it was really just a religious guy, "Gumby!", "the nickel nickel nine!", "hey boys where are you costumes?", fooled that questioner with an Australian accent, snapped to Californian, then back to Australian as I said my goodbyes, totally blew her mind, walked more, passed people giving out free water bottles on the corners, 14 Hath = nothing, walked through campus, poly canyon, gypsum, relaxed with Forrest Gump then some Trueblood, "t bell? you down?", "you know it!", parked at the bk lounge, "two crunchy tacos," "$1.49 please," "sweet!," "192!," grubbed, learned a new rating system: the area code, practiced it at t bell, trash, walk, ride back, bitch, park, rooftop, elevator, football, entrance, "night!," apartment, fridge, water, shower, write.

Gotta love the eves.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

the couch moment

the couch moment: (n/v) the moment when a third party or observer sees the start of a relationship between two people, and knows it will progress further; may or may not happen on a couch.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Epic Fail

Delayed procrastination did not work. I really should have been studying for accounting instead of writing the other night. The worst thing is when you take a test, walk out of the room and know you aced it, then come back two days later and see you failed it.


Move over STATS, it looks like Accounting is next for the top spot on my bitch list.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Glimpse of Genius

"I wish my homework was a slut so it would find someone else to do it."

Cognitive Dissonance

Jett Trask
You wanna know what the difference is between you and me? Ya see, you wanna be the guy that creates the rocket ship that flies up to Mars. I wanna be the guy that steps foot on Mars.

Introducing the grandson of a legend.

A Deplorable World

Dermot Tomred
A new friend? There is no such thing as a new friend. Only new acquaintances and new enemies. In our profession, we don't have the luxury of friends. You can't trust people who think they're your friends, cause you never know what they want and which side of you they're friends with. It gets too messy and too complicated when you involve people who think they are your friends in the world we live and what we do. No friends. No families. No connections. No trail. Not now. Not ever. That's how we survive. That's how we do it. That's why you can't do it.

You have just been introduced to the newest character of the gallery.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

find the lie

I am a very good liar.

Is that a lie?


Wait, was that a lie?


Think about it. It may just make your head explode.

Delayed Procrastination

I should be writing right now instead of studying for my Accounting quiz tomorrow. Oh wait! I am writing right now.

Monday, October 5, 2009

answer the door

I have always believed that The Purpose chooses Someone. Someone cannot choose their own purpose, that is not how it works. Those that choose it, are those that fail at The Purpose because The Purpose did not choose them, they thought it did, but the truth is they chose it themselves. The only thing that Someone can do is to be open, aware, and receptive to The Purpose finding them; that is how it works. So if The Purpose comes knocking at your door at midnight, one in the morning, three in the morning, Someone still has to get up and open the door, because if Someone does not, then The Purpose may just... go away forever and knock on another door. Leaving you with a purpose you chose.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

fu•ture: (n) a figment of your imagination.

Perhaps it's the wise words of Mr. Jeffries or maybe I don't even want to know what it holds anymore, but what I do know is that "the future" is not the present and not where I currently am in my life. Life is a gift and I need to take advantage of every opportunity I can to enjoy it because it is too short to worry about what someone cannot control. I know what I want from my future but the thought of it is no longer going to fill my mind in all my waking hours. Since I know what I want I need to take every little opportunity to get me there in making me better at my craft. The future is an unreachable destination. A place no one will ever be. Anytime someone thinks they have reached the future they have simply been given the gift of life. Why should I worry about something that I do not believe in, when there is so much ease to believe in?

What do I believe in?

Well, I believe in the flawed protagonist, the handheld camera, the unknown actor, the logline, the ironic title, the monologue, and the spec script. I believe in lost lyrics from the soul that disappeared too early can make a film go. I believe in the James Dean yell, the Kubrick Stare, the walk into the sunset, and the fade out. I believe in the smile that brightens the day and hugs that fit so perfectly two people become one. I believe in walking around on Saturday night looking for the right party and the perfect girl and not finding either. I believe in making God laugh by making a plan and people that say "that's really funny" are lying because if it was funny they would've just laughed. I believe in believing in dreams, breaking down walls, asking "why not?" and reading the horoscope a day late to make it fit my life. I believe if you kill as single butterfly it would sent thunderous ramifications into the future and I believe everyone has a purpose in life but most give up before it finds them.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


It decreases as you walk around in circles looking for the golden fleece.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Ordinary Person Rules to Avoiding Swine Flu

Rule 1: Live the life in which you have survived through SARS, Mad Cow Disease, Bird Flu, West Nile Virus, Killer Bees, and whatever the next one is called.

The Germaphobe Rules to Avoiding Swine Flu

Rule 1: Wash your hands before and after you wash your hands.

Rule 2: Wash your hands BEFORE AND AFTER you wash your hands.

Rule 3: Should you accidentally drink from another person's glass immediately vomit.

Rule 4: Should you get a paper cut on your finger from a dollar bill the safest way to avoid infection is to remove the finger.

Rule 5: If you must play beer pong bring your own balls to replace used ones after each throw.

Rule 6: Hand sanitizer is most important. Then water. Then food.

Rule 7: Never touch your face, mouth, nose, eyes, ears, someone else, money, food, a table, a doorknob, a tissue, a toilet, a light switch AND most importantly do not ever breathe anyone's air ever.


I once asked a girl why she was a vegetarian. She told me she became one because she thinks people who eat artichoke hearts are cruel.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


There once was a man who had only a single wisdom tooth. He got it pulled today, the luckiest day of all, and became the dumbest man in the world.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

what's behind the door?

"When you come to stand in front of a locked door, listen to the little thing inside of you that tells you to find the key."

Monday, August 31, 2009


Listen to all the people
Look at where they stare
Speaking out against the night
Not even knowing what is the fight

What do you do when you stand there
Deaf, blind, mute, and in despair?
Do you join the fight against night?
Or do you join night in the fight?

They say acceptance is the only answer
It is not your fault, you can't fight cancer
They laugh at you, and tell you what you can't do
When for they themselves are the only ones this rings true

The ones that motivate you to not fail
But with every last ounce of you prevail
To not succumb to the ruins of life
But to instead shape your meaning of it with a putty knife

Listen to yourself.
Look at were you stare.
Speak out against the fight.
And find out what is in the night.

the true plan

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

-Joseph Campbell

Thursday, August 27, 2009


1 punch and 10 seconds would change his life forever.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

the beginning

Cooper Kent sat in the lobby reciting his lines. He was next to go in. This was it, he had to get it right this time. The opportunity he has been seeking for the last five years he has been out here. A studio movie with actual money behind it and an A-lister already attached for Cooper to star opposite of. He had to get this one.

So much has happened in the last two weeks for Coop. Woken up by a call from his agent and a fax of the sides, he had just returned back to town this morning after going home for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. There was medical talk pertaining to his father. Something about someone named Huntingtons. He did not quite catch it all. Everyone wanted Cooper to take a blood test before he left. He had no time for that though, he had to get to this audition. His first in three years.

A distraught actor of age similar to Cooper's exits the room, shortly followed by a woman Assistant Casting Director, carrying a clipboard.

"Cooper Kent. Wow great name. You're next, hun."
"Thank you."

Cooper entered the room with everything on his mind, but the lines.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


"Listen to the heartbreak in your eyes."

"You are my north star guiding me through the night when I am lost."


Friday, July 31, 2009

The Biggest Fear of All

Lucas Wade sat in his cubical waiting for the seconds to change. How long has he been sitting there? Five minutes? Ten minutes? An hour? Two? Try 15 blasted years of his life. Wasting away at TelioTech for fifteen years. Jesus, had it been that long?

TelioTech did have its advantages though, and that was Jacqueline. The most beautiful girl, no scratch that, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Thirty-five feet away from her desk was his. Most of his day was spent imagining and contemplating how many steps it would take to make the journey to her.

He stared at the clock on his desk. Was time going backwards?!! What time was it?! 9:17. Holy shit. Two minutes! He was fifteen minutes late and he has only been here for two minutes.

If it is not yet clear, Lucas hates his job. However, Lucas hates to use the word hate to describe how he feels about it. He thinks it's too light of a word for how he feels about it. He
despises the menial tasks his boss puts him on. He detests his parking spot. He loathes the copy machine that jams, tears and destroys his work. Every second of every minute, every minute of every hour, every hour of every day he is continuously in an odious state.

It is his purgatory. He cannot escape it. His work lacks purpose. His computer freezes and shuts down involuntarily. His chair squeaks. His
eye line is Jacqueline, but even that haunts him because he will never have the courage to make the thirty-five foot journey.

Fuck it.

Lucas rose from his chair and took the first step of his journey.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Two Days Ago

INT. - UCLA Medical Center ICU room - Late Night
On the TV set in the upper corner of the room the undeniable voice revved up and delivered those famous words as the curtains drew back and a legend walked out.

The old man with that voice and laugh which served as the soundtrack to the show watched, from his hospital bed, the classic videos of the "iconic two-shot of broadcasting." A smile came to the old man's face and a tear to his eye as he looked at his friend, the magnificent, one last time.

He feebly reached for the remote to turn off the past. The show is just about over anyways. Then the old man, looking to the fluorescent light above, whispered something for just the audience to hear.

I'll see you soon my friend. I'll see you soon.

Then the iconic voice closed his eyes for one last time.



The man in the small room was waiting.

It has been such a long wait, but a wait he wishes would never end. The doctors walked out of the large hospital room for one last time and into the small room where the man was waiting. The man could see the solemn look on their faces and knew the wait he dreaded the end of was about to be over.

The waiting man entered the room he had now spent many sleepless nights in. He walked up to the bed in which lay his still beautiful love and he sat down next to the beeping machine. Even though it was near the end she still had the stunning smile and flashed it to the man she loved, for what would be the last time. He didn't know what to say as his eyes welled with tears. The former starlet told him to stop that, it will be okay. As he looked at her, he knew it was time to ask those four special words. She responded to the question with an answer that would surprise no one. But then said one more thing, adding a stipulation to it with all of her wit, "prenup." And they shared their final laugh together.

I'm sorry for having to put you through this for so long. I love you.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. I will forever love you.

And as he says this the series of beeps become a long single deafening tone of the end.



The ambulance sirens blared as it sped down Wilshire Boulevard and rushed its inhabitants to the UCLA Medical Center.

It reached the emergency lane and a horde of doctors rushed from the back doors of the medical center to meet the paramedics at the ambulance doors in order to waste no time.

What've we got?

He collapsed in his home fifteen minutes ago. Possible cardiac arrest.

The ER doors slid open revealing the patient on the gurney to the entire medical staff. As the wheels rolled across the slick floor, resuscitation was continuously being performed on the man lying on the gurney. It was to no effect. The doctor looked at the man on the gurney's ivory cold face.

He's gone. Call it.


EXT. - UCLA Medical Center - Day
A large crowd of fans numbering in the hundreds, near thousands, have gathered around the area of the building to mourn the man's death.

INT. - UCLA's Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity house - Day
The brothers of the house are running around setting up speakers near their opens doors, and windows, and along the balcony facing across the street toward the medical center where the man was pronounced dead minutes before.

EXT. - Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity house balcony - Day
A single large Mirage Jade brand speaker sits on the balcony alone, singing loud enough for all the mourning crowd across the street to hear.

M.J. Speaker
"When I had you to myself
I didn't want you around
Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd
But someone picked you from the bunch
one glance was all it took
Now it's much too late for me to take a second look.

Oh baby give me one more chance
show you that I love you
Won't you please let me
back in your heart."

Fade out.

green-eyed girl

I saw her today,
That green-eyed girl,
Looking beautiful, in every single way.
But I didn't know what to say.
Nothing to be done,
But everything to be won.

She was just standing there, looking at me
Waiting to see, what would be.
I stood there looking at her on this day,
But I didn't know what to say.
Nothing to be done,
She will forever be the only one.

The only one who's there.
The only one who's more, peaceful than a dove.
The only one the stars, can't rise above!
She is the only one, don't you see,
She was still standing there with me.

But now I know what to say,
Looking at her, in that special way.
Through those green eyes I see,
Just what could forever be.

And I saw her today.
That green-eyed girl,
Looking beautiful, in every single way.
But I have found the words to say,
On this perfect Spring day in May.

Everything to be won,
Don't let it come undone.
With four simple words I say,
Praying she answers, in the right way.
Then she flashes that stunning smile,
And I know we'll be together, for awhile.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

write NOW

Read, Watch, Write. It's that simple.

This blog has been many things. A record of my first year in college. My bitching about stats. My worries, thoughts, and ever changing plans of the future. A method actor's journal for the month I was preparing for my first role. And now it will be a writer's journal.

Throughout the summer this blog will now be devoted to writing. I'll find a different topic for each post, research it, and then write a short story, monologue, song, or scene that has to do with the topic. These topics will be random. Some stories will be good, some stories will be bad. But the hope is that a few will be great.

This should prove to be an interesting summer. Stories are waiting to be told, so let us see what will unfold.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

house arrest in hanford

I was going to write something about my first year of college and reflect on what I've learned in the classroom and about myself, blah, blah, blah.

But something else has come up. Something has skewed me away from that joyful reflective nature.

Car insurance really shouldn't be that big of a hassle. Today my parents dropped the bomb on me that I will not be put on the car insurance this summer meaning: no insurance = no car = no driving = no going anywhere = no seeing my friends = house arrest in my hometown = fuck my life.

It's just so FRUSTRATING!!! It's not that I have that many places to go but it's just nice knowing I CAN go to those places if I want. But if they don't let me on the insurance then I'll be in seclusion for three months which may not be the worst thing as a writer, but it will still be HORRIBLE. Hopefully I'll be able to produce some great stuff though. Ibsen and Brecht both put themselves into exile for years and look what they came up with.

Now that I think about it, the reason I wasn't able to write that much in SLO wasn't because I didn't have the time, because God knows I did. It was because I was at peace there, relaxed, and at ease. I could write happy stories or funny stories but not the ones I was good at, that I had already started months before; the summer in Hanford before I left. It's being back in Hanford that's motivating me to write. The stifling atmosphere and the want, the NEED to do SOMETHING of value with my life.

It's only been 5 days and I already wish I was back at school. Tests and finals are better than this place right now.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

the review

This post has been put off for too long. Maybe because I've been sick or maybe because I just didn't want to do it.

This is a review of my first performance.

The fifteen minute one act play Can Can was the first live production I have ever done. I had originally acted in the short film Lost Literature made by me and my friends for our junior year high school literature class. But back to the play. This was the best thing I could've done in my first year of college to help further progress in acting. It wasn't a full play, it was only a one act so I was able to ease myself into it. It was however slightly complex in its performance. I had to say my lines looking straight into the audience, not to another character. I thought this was a great challenge. I think it's easier to act when you can be working with someone, but for this I did not have that opportunity. The dialogue was unorthodox. The characters conveyed their stories in a series of soliloquies. The lines where out of order which also provided another challenge to master.

Overall the components of the play for me were: 41 lines of dialogue, 25 stage directions, in a 15 minute performance talking to an audience of 55 people.

This definitely provided a huge step forward in my acting career. I had not planned on acting in my first year of college, let alone act in a live play. I've always liked film more than live performances. Mostly for the spontaneity of it, less rehearsal, and more wide open cinematic views. However, theatre offered much more than I originally thought it could. The rehearsals were long and mistakes would be much more visible. You had to be at the top of your game in every performance. I thought performing a play would be boring because it is the same thing over and over again, but I was wrong. Each performance and show was different in it's own subtle way. The audience would laugh at different lines or not laugh at all which gave the play the seriousness it desired since in fact it was a drama.

I wanted to keep this short and I've already gone longer than I wanted, but there had to be a post dedicated to reflecting back at what I consider my first performance. I felt I gave my best in the last performance which was good considering if I wasn't satisfied with my final performance I would have had to wait many more months to try and make it up.

I was nervous in the weeks leading up to the play, so much so that I considered quitting early on. I was nervous backstage in the scene shop as I was frantically practicing my lines one last time. I was nervous when I was behind the curtain with the audience on the other side. I was nervous walking my chair out and placing it into the darkness. But once the lights came up and I was standing there, looking the audience in the face before a single line was uttered, a calming peace came over me and the nervousness went away, becoming a figment of the past.

That has to count for something.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

that time of the quarter, again

What does, a sleeping roommate + a couch outside my dorm room + a well lit Tenaya hallway + theatre class notes + note cards + teddy grahams (honey flavored) + 3:00 A.M. + me = ?

It equals me, at 3 AM, trying to stay awake long enough to memorize my theatre notes by eating honey flavored teddy grahams, while flipping through note cards, in the hallway of my dorm, on a couch that should not be there, while my roommate sleeps.

Got to love that last day of finals week.

Monday, June 8, 2009

giving credit where it's due

I would like to thank everyone that has supported me over the last month in pursuing this role in the play. Thank you to my aunt who was there the first day I auditioned and talked to me afterward when I thought I did horrible, and was still with me that night when I got the callback message from the director. Thank you to my parents for supporting me through this and not telling me to forget it and focus on classes. Thank you to my sister who helped me find and understand that theatre is where to start. Thank you to Julianne who called me at midnight, the night I found out I got the role and told me she was proud of me and I could hear the excitement in her voice. Thank you to Jeffries who was one of the first persons to congratulate me (I can't wait to work with you in the future). Thank you to everyone who just asked me about it and had an interest when they found out or when I told them. Thank you to everyone who liked or commented on my play/audition related facebook statuses (you know who you are). Thank you to my professor, Josh Machamer, who got me interested so much in theatre and provided the opportunity for me to act in this play. Thank you to Anna, my director, who took a chance on me, a kid who had never professionally acted before (I don't know if she knew that). Thank you to my co-stars and fellow actors in the play; Aubrey, Ellie and Kathryn for simply being great and made me be my best just to try and match how good they were. Thank you to the Cal Poly Theatre Department for providing this opportunity to all of us. Thank you to the Cal Poly Theatre community of directors and fellow actors that were welcoming and made this business major feel comfortable on their home turf. Thank you to the audience members who came to the shows and enjoyed themselves. Thank you to the two audience members, one after each show, whom I did not know that came up to me and shook my hand telling me "Good job in there." Last but not least, thank you to the person who dropped the program for Can Can while they were trying to throw it away, because if I had not picked that up off the ground I may have never gotten the program of my first, but sure not to be my last performance.

Without these people in my life providing support and making me who I am, what I do would simply not be possible, and for that I thank you.

Yours truly,


Friday, June 5, 2009

wanna get hungover?

Saw The Hangover today. The streak continues! SIX movies in SIX weeks of summer! By the way that movie was HILARIOUS!!! Definitely the funniest movie I've seen all year. Funniest movie I've seen since Tropic Thunder, maybe even funnier (probably), but I can't fully tell that until a second viewing.

Following The Hangover we went to the casino. + $75 in my pocket = a good night.

Now? Time for some of the greatest show ever (entourage) then maybe (not) some calculus, and finish the night with practicing some lines for the play tomorrow.

It is the big day. But question: Will it be my Silver Chalice or will it be my Primal Fear?

Guess we'll have to wait and see how that one turns out.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

"Calculus, I'm breaking up with you"

Ready for classes to be over, especially the pointless ones.

YES! Calculus I'm talking about your stupid inanimate ass! I was studying for your final tonight and realized, "Wait! Why am I doing limits and definite integrals? Oh yeah that's right, because this pointless material is going to be on the final. Not like it has any other significance to my life!"

If I'm going to be a writer and an actor I don't need to know how to do calculus. Hell, if I do a lot of things with my life I don't need to know how to do calculus. Even if I write a screenplay about a mathematical genius who is a savant at calculus, I still only need to know the terms not HOW to do it, or what the equations are. That's what they pay the consulting producer for.

Calculus consider yourself getting of easy, this is maybe only the first post about you. STATS had way more hate thrown its way. So, calc if you're going to be a little bitch and go cry because of this (which I know you will) just make sure you go somewhere I can't see you, because I've had enough of your torturous pointless shit.

I'm done with you.

Monday, June 1, 2009

living a slo life in the fast lane

Int. San Luis Obispo, Oddfellows Hall -- Day

JAMES CROMWELL stands in front of an audience in the hall's main room, talking about acting.


It's like being born again, when you step onto that stage. When you're standing behind the curtain, hidden from the audience and the light of the stage is two feet in front of you; it's as if you haven't been born yet. But once you step out from behind that curtain and into the light you are born again. Renewed, reinvigorated, a new person coming from the darkness and blinded by the light. Having to relearn how to walk, talk, sit, stand, breathe even. Everything is a new experience.

I now understand what Mr. Cromwell was talking about from that day I first heard him speak these words. Last night we had tech rehearsal for Can Can and Cromwell's words was what I was thinking about just before I stepped from behind that curtain and walked to my mark as the bright lights cued up.

Last night's rehearsal was the best one for me yet. We had a short run through a few hours before and it was off book and I was absolutely horrible. Forgetting the cues, the correct line sequences and it was just awful. So what did I do for the two hours between first rehearsal ended and tech rehearsal began? I practiced. Which allowed be to give my best for the tech rehearsal. Now I just have to do what I did for that three more times: the dress rehearsal/preview show, and the two performances on the weekend.

This is going to be a busy week. By the end of the weekend I will have preformed the show at least three more times, have studied everyday for calculus and finished my final, read a play, made an art exhibit for my theatre class, finished two econ assignments and studied for my econ final in hopes of being ready for the final on Monday morning.

And then final's week starts.

Friday, May 29, 2009

a day in the valley

Green Valley Cafe for breakfast. Saw the grandparents midday. Did some school work on economics and got an A. Watched The Rookie, The Strangers, and Zodiac.

The rest?

Maybe read a play for work, The Birthday Party, may practice my lines.

The valley ain't so bad.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

a day makes all the difference

Yesterday I got my stage directions that I have to incorporate into my performance. Let's just say I was a little overwhelmed. 41 lines of dialogue, 25 different stage directions, in the dark, talking to an invisible interviewer, seventeen minutes long, with no cuts, performed in front of a live audience.

Rehearsal yesterday was by far my worst one yet. Trying to incorporate all the new stage directions into the lines of dialogue resulted in a robotic performance. I felt like the lowest rung in the muck and mire of mediocrity. If you could mix horse shit, dog shit, pig shit, cat piss, a frat guy's puke, and the piece of gum on the bottom of my shoe together... you would only have a slight glimpse of my rehearsal yesterday. I was so down after that I started to question everything. Whether or not I want to really act. Or only be a writer. Or do neither and go back to the thought of agent or manager.

So what did I do? I practiced.

And today was another rehearsal. The stage directions were seamless. The lines flowed in the EX GI's voice. When I was saying them, it was as if I was no longer myself and had finally switched over, from me to the character.

Within a day I went from almost quitting acting, (having this one act being my first and only performance), to feeling the best I have ever felt about it.

What a crazy mind I live in.

Monday, May 25, 2009

searching for a character...

Went and saw Angels and Demons tonight. I thought it turned out to be a really good thriller. Then I started thinking about Dan Brown's character Robert Langdon and other writers and their characters. I mean when you think about it, if you can create ONE great character then your work is at least half way done for you.

Just listen to this: Stan Lee had Peter Parker, Matt Murdock, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thor, Bob Kane and Bill Finger had Bruce Wayne, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster had Clark Kent, Joe Simon and Jack Kirby had Steve Rogers, Dan Brown has Robert Langdon, Michael Connelly has Harry Bosch, Clive Cussler has Dirk Pitt, Thomas Harris has Hannibal Lecter, Tom Clancey has Jack Ryan, and Ian Fleming had James Bond. AND THAT'S ONLY NAMING A FEW! The list goes on and on.

The character is the answer to the writer's question.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

off book

Haven't had rehearsal since Monday and for the next one tomorrow our director wants us to be off book. Looks like I have some practicing to do.

Be back in a few hours...

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Curious Case of...

Watched Benjamin Button's life tonight.

Although many people I've talked to say that it was just okay, I thought it was great. Could eventually go on the list of one of my favorites.

Maybe that's just cause I can relate to it a little more.

P.S. I also watched Terminator Salvation today. The streak continues! Four summer movies in four weeks!

Friday, May 22, 2009


That's what I'm going to start calling it from now on, and by "it" I mean Good Will Hunting. I watched it tonight AGAIN, and guess what? NO SURPRISE, still the best film ever written. There is not a single weak line of dialogue. I could probably watch it for another 100 years and not get sick of it. Other people in my dorm wanted to watch it and I was like "I don't know, I've seen it like a million times." But then I watched and am sure glad I did!

So great!

It makes me want to start writing the sequel.