The robotic taunting voice repeated its command as I stood there on the corner of Osos and Marsh with my own blood and last night's drinks on the front of my shirt in a half still drunk half hungover stupor. One sleeve up, one sleeve down because I'm too tired... or whatever... to care bout being symmetrical.
Apart from having to go get 14 shots so I don't get rabies and being on day three of this head cold, this was one of my best days.
We ran scenes today in my acting class and through the exercises my partner and I were able to really connect to the scene and it made it that much richer. It was the best I've felt running the scene so far.
Tonight at rehearsal for Antigone the crew (consisting of about 25 people) watched for the first time. I feel like each time there is a new audience that is when I feel the best, because they have never seen this production of the play and they don't know what to expect.
I got to rehearsal 30 minutes after I finished getting my 14 rabies shots (I have to go back three more times, but only one shot each from now on) and was still feeling kinda out of it. I don't know if it was the shots or the head cold, but it didn't matter cause I was feeling it. At the rehearsal I just told myself to focus on the first line, and don't over analyze every little moment; just let the words and story do the work.
I really wanted to have a good run tonight. Mostly because I've been trying pretty hard to get the letters I have nailed down, so I worked for an extra half hour last night with my director. It definitely helped. I felt that the letter I worked on and preformed tonight was the best I'd ever done it and this was confirmed by my director and for the entirety of the play at the end of the night notes. "Best you've ever been."
So even when all the shit is thrown down on you, it's really great to have these two little moments, in my case, that pick you up and remind you of what you've got.
Who has two thumbs and is the thing in this title?
Good rehearsal tonight, opening in 9 days. But I need to simply let the words guide me and not over think, because when I tell the story that needs to be told is when it works. I also need to not over analyze ever little thing.
Oh and by the way, I got bit by a dog yesterday riding my bike home. What a GREAT TIME to be getting rabies shots. (not)
In the last 24 hours I have watched The Deer Hunter (which I had not seen in 10 years, and I am only 20 now, yep I watched it that young), watched The Messenger, and went for an hour long run while running lines for the play.
I do this because I choose to. I do this because I want to. I do this because it will make me better. I do this to prepare.
Okay, now that that opening line for my character is out of my system, let's get to the analysis of tonight's work.
Tonight I had another character rehearsal. The one I had last week was a breakthrough, and I was hoping for the same thing tonight, but knew it would be hard to top.
It was hard to top, but I (rather, my director and I) may just have done it. AND on a great side note: I didn't have any e-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-i-o-n problems tonight.
So we worked one of my letters, who's opening line starts this post.
The major growth of this letter happened when my director told me to shout my speech. So I did, or at least thought I was until he said,
"That's not shouting. I want you to shout it."
And I replied with,
"You want we to shout it? Okay."
This was mostly to myself, trying to work my way up to it.
So then I opened my mouth and the words carried me home.
Some great things came out of this rehearsal, and some great compliments that I had never heard anyone tell me before. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I'm just trying to keep it as a personal record of my growth.
I am part of a choreographed fight scene at the top of the show and my director told me that in that scene, which is downstage, I "have the movement of both an athlete and a dancer." But upstage, for my letter we tried to do marching, I tried to do marching, while saying the letter and it was an uncoordinated sloppy marching mess. Maybe, being on a "actual" stage for the marching part intimidated me, matter of fact that probably is exactly what happened. But, we ended up scratching that march anyways, so it's not that big a deal, except for the fact that I couldn't do it.
Another thing that was nice to hear from my director was,
"Don't ignore your talent, by not going there."
This was in regards to when I thought I was shouting, but was really just talking slightly louder compared to when I actually accepted what my character needed to say and convey. I feel like I do this more times than not too. Maybe the reason why I feel that I have so much progress in these character rehearsals is because there are less people watching me than during a standard rehearsal with the entire company. It probably goes back to me still being rather shy, but that I can get over. I just can no longer be afraid to take that extra step whenever the character is leading me.
Another thing I took away from,
"Don't ignore your talent, by not going there."
Was the fact that this was the first time somebody has used the word "talent" to describe my acting.
Building a role takes time. There are many steps taken in this process. There are slip ups and missteps taken too. But the most important thing to build is the foundation, because everything stems from that.
I got to work on one of the monologues I have with my director and the character EXPLODED off the page.
Both the director and I could see and feel the major progress we were able to cultivate from the words. We were able to reach places I didn't even realize this character had. It felt incredible.
He was pushing me to go further and deeper into the words, the lines, the character, the sights, the sounds, the feeling. And I pushed back. Rather yet, the character pushed back. Pushing me to exactly where he needed me to be.
Looks like the tide could bring a change of major...
And the waves hit hard today.
The Status Quo
Currently a business major taking theatre classes on the side with the ultimate goal of becoming an actor after graduation.
Something seem a little backward there?
Shouldn't it be...
Currently a theatre major taking a minor in business with the ultimate goal of becoming an actor after graduation?
I just can't get the thought out of my head that if I want to spend the rest of my life doing "this" (the theatre work / the acting / the writing), then why would I spend the majority of my time in the classroom for something that if I ever end up doing, would only make me feel like a failure?
So the script is on the way. Matter of fact I just accidentally opened it when I wanted to open this to type this very post. Freudian slip perhaps?
I did the calculations and I have 36 days until school starts back up for my third year. That means if I want about a 100 page draft of this I need to write about 2.5 pages a day. A modest number that I think is pretty attainable but I just need to WRITE IT.
I already have the first 8 pages nailed down pretty solid and less wobbly than they were a few days ago. So I'm happy about that.
Oh and did I mention? I'm growing a beard until I finish this draft. 1) Just to add to the whole frustrated writer theme I have going on and 2) Because I like to be clean shaven and this could motivate me more to get this draft done.
Need to finish in the next 36 day though, because come September 20th, if I'm not finished...
...then this script may just finish of my college career.
After spending the last week watching Christopher Nolan movies, I have come to notice a few things.
In each of his films (excluding the Batmans) he will start with a scene that will directly influence the final scene of the film. I won't spoil it in case who ever is reading this hasn't seen each film but just be aware of it because it happens in Following, Memento, Insomnia, The Prestige, and Inception.
Knowing this helped me at the beginning of Inception because even though I started slightly confused (perhaps because I refused to watch any TV spots, or trailers, or read any press for the film after the first trailer I saw), it was a state of conscious confusion because I knew what would be coming next in the story elementally but not specifically (if that makes sense). I knew what I was seeing in the beginning was in fact (near) the ending.
Anyway, that's just a little Nolan signature that I thought I'd point out.
Off to INCEPTION...
and I WILL NOT HESITATE TO USE ALL CAPS WHEN I DISCUSS THIS FILM BECAUSE THE SCOPE OF THIS FILM CANNOT BE DESCRIBED IN lower case LETTERS.
FIRST OFF, THE FACT THAT CHRISTOPHER NOLAN FIT EVERYTHING HE DID IN THIS FILM IS TRULY REMARKABLE. THE IDEAS AND CONCEPTS HE CREATED COULD HAVE EASILY FILLED OUT A TRILOGY COMPLETELY BUT HE PUT EVERYTHING THAT WAS NEEDED INTO A SINGLE FILM AND MADE IT WORK.
Alright that's enough ALL CAPS, it was starting to get a little much.
So I will end it with this.
Memento was and overall probably still is my favorite Nolan film, (and in my top three ever) because I have never scene another film that makes you think that hard, and has it all make sense in the end in such a rewarding fashion; BUT Inception may be Nolan at his finest, blending thought provoking dramatic storytelling with pure unbridled action in its most imaginative form.
When you have that, there is nothing better.
Nolan's scope as a filmmaker is growing at an exponential rate with each of his films, and next is The Dark Knight sequel; I have absolute faith in him and have scared excitement in where he will take us next.
Let's play pretend and say that I never knew where I'd been Let’s pretend that I stayed home and watched the whole world spin Pretend I procrastinated and never followed my dreams That I just sat there and let the real world be what it seems Pretend I never found the font courier new That my words and stories could never get to you That I never took a chance and put the fingers to the keyboard That I never was a kid watching The Adventures of Harrison Ford That my main man Will Hunting never followed his dream And that I never realized that was my number one theme
In life, to do what you were put here for It's that purpose that's knocking right at your door Those who never took a risk will never know what they missed If you can’t open the door you gotta knock it back with your fist
It’s that imagination that inspired creation upon the realization you got at the train station laying the foundation while you looked at your location and future destination of your soon to be vocation; and no frustration, deflation, stagflation, stagnation, taxation, or even starvation would deprive you, of your flirtation and formation of your goal in life, creating the narration with proper quotation of a purpose with a long duration
But hold on wait a minute, I've gone off track Let's take a reverse step and push playback
So let’s pretend that I never really looked within Never really saw where everything did begin That I never really found out this tested quest That I wasted each and every day because I was just so stressed Asking the questions to see if anything was truly blessed That I never figured out what I possessed To help me fulfill this lifelong quest
Let’s pretend that I didn’t write monologues in all of my classes That I took proper notes and got all passes Pretend I didn’t change my name because no one could say it It wasn’t now Cotti; a name that just a bit did quite fit Pretend that I never took that tipping walk to hear Cromwell talk That I slept in during dead week avoiding the blaring alarm clock And you never auditioned for those one act plays Everyone thinking it was just a waist of your days “You should be studying business to land that corner office” But that dream just wouldn't suffice It would be like dry brown rice That I ate in college cause protein powder was just too high in price But I had to get the bulk of the method actor For the character of the spec script that wouldn't be a factor For many long years until the script was trite and true Until it would be the thing that I knew I would always do
So let’s go back to the start, and pretend I didn't come from the valley A place where if it were a baby, it would have been dumped in an alley A place defined by its teen pregnancy and meth rate per capita Where if I never got outta I woulda been a has been coulda been shoulda But I did, and now I'm doing my own thing With its very own zip, zealer, and zing
But I never could've done any of this If it wasn't for, that very first risk
What the future holds just got a little face-lift.
Still a little more to be done but I think it's good for right now.
Today is the first day of summer and even thought I've been out of school for two weeks now until this week is over it'll still only seem like one.
Yes, because as of right now I'm working the a gun club job score-keeping for the state tournament. 6-8 hot hours in the sun everyday for minimum wage, but hey I gotta get that revenue stream flowing if I ever want to do anything / go anywhere.
So the sis said that I need to write on here more and I totally agree. It is the summer and I have already been slacking on the posts (just like last year), but I'm gonna change that.
Here is a brief summary of the play I read yesterday:
There once was a king by the name of Lear,
Many thought he had nothing to fear
But he was getting old and about to retire,
So he divided the throne among his three daughters before he would expire
He did just that but only two liars got their wish
But revenge would be a cold, cold dish
They fought for the throne while Lear watched in dismay
He walked out into the storm, his mind in disarray
The ones that hid themselves found him and took him in
But he was now just a shell of the man he once had been
The cold, cold dish took hold over the others
Leaving death and destruction in its path, crowning the new king the more righteous of brothers.
Thank you Mr. Cazale, I don't know if learning from you helped my performance tonight, but I would like to think that it did. I believe it helped the overall performances of both plays, because by continuing to think about all the characters it opened more doors and opportunities for everyone. I was even able to suggest a few blocking actions to the other actors in the play with me, that when they executed them perfectly it just added an extra layer to the cake (the cake being the play).
It's a little sad wrapping up the plays because I feel so close to everyone involved, but at the same time it is good to be done so now I can focus on finals (as much as I don't want to think about them). But the only reason that it feels good to be done is because tonight was our best performances for both plays, and that is exactly the way to end it.
This past week was the most fun I have ever had here at Cal Poly.
The stressful week of fitting in rehearsals, classes, school work, and performances was quite a handful but I made it through and there is no substitute for the feeling. In actuality, the only reason it was stressful was because of the school part. I loved the performances.
There is just no feeling like it, I don't really know how to explain it. I just know I want it back.
So now the next stage in getting this feeling back is...
Had opening night performances tonight. And they went... well.
Upon coming back I watched "I Knew it was You," a documentary about John Cazale.
Wow, am I glad I did. The iconic actors that were interviewed praised him, talking about how much they learned from him and all of the little things he would do to make them better.
He was just so subtle. So brilliant.
I watched "Dog Day Afternoon" during Christmas break, but I haven't seen The Godfathers or "The Deer Hunter" in years (probably since I was about 12, was the first time I watched them, too young? no way). The moral of this story is I need to watch them again.
Al Pacino said in an interview that John Cazale would find out what the pain or fear of his character was. This really struck a cord with me. So simple, yet it opens the door to so many possibilities.
Up next for "what the future holds"...
Well I need to have a movie marathon once this school year is over, AND...
I still have two shows left for tonight, so let's just see if Mr. Cazale is still making actors better.
Just watched the ending to LOST again... and my head just exploded.
The wreckage at the end?
Just what wreckage is that really?
It didn't look like the Oceanic plane (to small, no Oceanic fuselage, etc.) ... meaning that the only other plane it could have been was the Guam plane that took off at the very end.
And thinking about it more, logically, how can a plane that crashed on an island be fixed in an hour, when it was said to take six, fly across the entire ocean. One of the only problems I had with this last season was them constantly relying on the plane to be their escape, it just didn't seem like it would work.
This also raises the whole question of whether or not you can actually leave the island. Maybe Desmond will never leave, and the way Jacob ran things was the only way to do them; after all Ben never really knew that much about the origins of the island.
If Frank, Miles, Richard, Claire, Sawyer, and Kate all died when the Guam plane crashed (the wreckage at the end) that would still make sense for what Christian Shepard said to Jack of "some died before you, and some died long after you." The "long after ones" would be Hurley, Ben, Desmond, and Penny.
I wish I didn't realize this, because I liked the "happy" ending but you have to think about it that this could be what happened, and if that's the case, was the ending of LOST really "happily ever after"?
My contacts are drying out. That means sleep will be setting in soon.
I sorry Mr. Kant, but I can't read you anymore. (haha, pun).
I still got it even at 1 in the a.m. (If by "got it" I mean an onset case of narcolepsy or insomnia. I'm not sure yet, but if I'm up much longer one is going to set in, I just know it).
Insomnia wouldn't be so bad if sleep wasn't... ya know... important. You would be able to get a lot of stuff done if you didn't have to sleep. I've always wanted to try what Kramer did once in an episode of Seinfeld; to take mini naps throughout the day and in the process sleep a lot less but from what I remember that didn't work out to wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
whoa sorry about, I guess it's not the insomnia but the narcolepsy that's setting innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
In all honesty, it was the best finale to a series I have ever seen. I cannot think of one better.
Well done LOST and Co.
I want to say that I'd miss it but, the way they ended it was so perfect I don't need to see more.
In regards to the ending, I was kinda expecting that, but I was not expecting THAT. (that's two different thats; no spoilers here).
Going into tonight I had high expectations and I usually try for the opposite to not be let down, but LOST delivered. I told myself, that when it ends I want to be thinking about it for the rest of the night, and now I know I will be.
Just read an email from the sis, which makes this day that much better.
It's still early today but I've already had a good rehearsal for the tougher play (the Al Pacino in Dog Day one). I got my energy up like last time but it can still be better.
Got lots to get done today (get some laps in at the pool, finish the sculpture for script class, study for midterms, Access homework, Yanks game to watch, LOST finale to immerse myself into) but it's gonna be a good day.
The sis reminded me of something... of how I ended the post on May 10th.
It went something like "I'm happy, a little stressed, but happy."
Currently making a sculpture for the play The Children's Hour for my script analysis class.
BUT in other news...
Had a good rehearsal today for the other play. We are switching some things around and adding some new blocking and even though it'll be a little challenge to incorporate all of it into what we already have, it should turn out good.
I like where it's going.
This play and the other one. That's something I couldn't have said a week ago.
Things are coming together, and it feels like it fits.
Had rehearsal today for the tougher play. (Tougher is an ironic word choice to describe it, but I'll stick with it).
I once heard Dennis Hopper say that on the set of Giant, James Dean would spin around in circles before going on screen when he would be playing drunk. Hopper did this too for the film Hoosiers. Pretty simple concept, and pretty effective too, but sometimes you just don't think of little things like that to take it to another level.
Well today, I did a little Deanian device before I went onstage.
My character (before he is seen) is looking for someone in a psychologist's office, so before my scene I paced back and forth for about about 20 minutes or so (because the rehearsal was stop-and-go) and when my cue line was delivered I burst into the office (well, walked out from behind the curtain and onto the stage with dramatic force).
And it worked.
I had the most energy of any rehearsal so far for myself and I really felt like I knew who I was out there.
Before rehearsal started, our director said that she was going to stop us when either she didn't believe what we were saying or wanted to know what we were doing (the technique of asking the question and then the actor responding with a certain verb). Going into it, I thought I would probably get stopped a few times here or there because before today for some of my lines I wasn't 100% sure on how to deliver them.
However, after the pacing (which definitely helped me get into character) I did not get stopped once during my lines, and thinking back on it now, I think I was the only one who didn't get stopped, so that's a good feeling. But there is still a lot of work to be done, and I have to keep the energy onstage up, so there's no time to get cocky. At least I now know how to reach that level of energy though.
Who would have thought that something so simple, like pacing or spinning in a circle, could make such a big difference.
Maybe that rebel was onto something with this whole method acting thing?
Leaving for class in a few so I thought I'd get a little post in before.
Things are getting pretty busy with rehearsals for the two plays. Only about 4 weeks until showtime. Wow, I just got a little nervous. That's interesting.
I've been practicing my lines and working on building character (the play characters that is, not myself personally cause that guy is long gone already). Time to be either Colin or Jackson for the next month.
Oddly enough, when casting was announced I did not understand why I was cast as Jackson instead of Mickey (which was the role I read for). All that was going through my head was "What did I do wrong?" I thought I could have pulled of Mickey just fine, but after sitting down with the director and listening to what he had to say I definitely agree that Jax is a good fit for me, although it would have been fun to play Mick too (he does get quite a few f-bombs to drop, that's the fun part).
I should get off book today for the other play, rehearsal at 6. It might happen, should be close.
Midterm tomorrow in my one business class for the quarter (yep, still a business major, weird I know). The test is for Information Systems: The Joyous and Wonderful World of Excel, Access, and Frontpage. (That's not the real name of the class).
Things are going good as of right now. I can't complain, but that may just be because I'm currently listening to the cheerfully jovial Simon & Garfunkel.