Monday, November 23, 2009

Et tu, Shakespeare?

Went to the Julius Caesar auditions tonight. Going there I told myself that there would be about a 10% chance that I would actually audition. Why such a low percentage? One, I would not be able to make the callback tomorrow, that is if I even got a callback, which would have been a very low chance in itself. Two, I would not be able to participate in full rehearsals in the coming months because of scheduling conflicts. Three, it is Shakespeare, and that is intimidating! I told myself I would look at the audition sides and see what I thought about them, then go from there as to whether I would audition or not.

There were about eight different sides to choose from and... I did not understand a single one of them. Damn you Shakespeare! With your awesomely complex beautifully poetic language. I am no match for you, yet that is.

I got some good advice from the sister tonight. It consisted of easing myself into things, and I think that is true for any actor. I cannot expect to do Shakespeare effortlessly with only one short film and a single one act under my belt. Shakespeare is the crème de la crème. If I somehow got a part in this play it would have been a lot of work. I would have had to translate every one of my lines and every one else's lines too, just to understand what was going on.

So to ease myself into Shakespeare for the future I will do the one act festival at the end of the year again, and maybe do two plays this time. I will audition next year for a full length non-Shakespearian play, and get a part. Then, after that, I may be halfway there to attempting Shakespeare.

Damn you Shakespeare!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Think: A Stance on Ethics

The other day my eyes were opened.

I am going to tell the truth right now.

Throughout this blog and in the past I have devoted posts to acting, writing, and film making, since these are my interests I want to pursue in the future. I can talk about how much I want to do these things, and how much I love to do these things, and how much fun I have when doing them, but the truth is, these things are hard to do, and lots of people want to do them. I realize this, and I realize that no matter how hard I try I just may never be good enough and reach where I want to get. Do not get me wrong, it will be a very long time before I ever give up this dream I have, but I do have to understand that right now it is still just a dream. It is not yet a reality.

The reality is, right now I am a business student at one of the best public business schools in California. In three years, when the recession has (hopefully) turned around, I should be able to get a pretty good job with the education I have received at this university, but I am not so sure I want that job.

Business is the backup plan to acting and film making. What I thought I would at least moderately like to do in business was advertising. It is a job that would allow me to use my creative instincts and storytelling abilities to sell products. See the film connection? Anyways, I have come to the realization that one day I may be advertising for a company that does not have the same ethical principles as I do. We hear stories of the corporations moving their factories to foreign countries in the effort of cutting cost, but what are they really cutting? They are simply increasing their profit margin when they do this. Also, when the corporations move to these countries they are heralded as heroes by the people, because they are providing jobs. These heroes provide jobs that pay cents on the hour to workers that produce clothes and other goods that retail for hundreds of dollars. Is that right? I have not yet even mentioned the companies that pose health risks to their customers with their products. Products that are consumed with the thought that they are healthy for you, when in reality they can kill you because of all the untested additives.

I now feel to work in advertising I would want to... no, have to research the companies I would be advertising for, because I do not think I could support and make money for a corporation that profits on the suffering of others. I do not think I could work for a company whose sole goal is to make as much money as possible, no matter the cost. The lack of remorse some companies show when their deceitful actions are found out by the public is despicable. I am going to spare the names of the multiple corporations that in just the last fifteen years have been found out to be corrupt. They will not be specifically mentioned in this post, and do you know why? It is because there are too many to list.

If I am forced to have a job and not a career, then I at least want my job to be something I can enjoy or feel good about doing. I want to find something that helps people and benefits them, I do not want to hurt them. That is what I would feel like I am doing if I was advertising for a corrupt corporation, even if I am not directly responsible. I would still know that what I would be doing is wrong, and that would be enough for me to stop.

I need to find that special something that can make me happy. I need to find that special something where I can use the skills I was blessed with to the best of my ability in enriching the lives of others, as well as my own life. My memory, my attention to detail, my sociological observations, my listening ears, and my tenaciousness.

I think I have found that special thing in my life. All I can do now is go forth with the support of the people in my life, my God-given skills, and try to be tenacious as I step out from the darkness behind the curtain and into the light of center stage.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

gone too long

I'm back.

Things need to change.

I have not been keeping up to date on this blog this year as much as I should have been. Last year, during school, I was posting pretty regularly, but this year, not so much. That needs to change. Not only do these posts help me build myself as a writer, they are also a good way to remember my college days when I go back and read old posts. So from now on, I will dedicate myself to write more posts.

I have not been writing. That needs to change. During the summer the ideas were flowing. I don't know whether it was being in Hanford that was motivating me to write more (because I wanted to find a way to get away from there) or whether it was that I simply had less on my mind and could focus better. Probably a combination of both. Anyways, it needs to change, because what I am doing now is not working. The goal was to finish one script a year, so by the time I graduate that would be three scripts. At this rate however, I will be lucky if I finish one feature length script in three years. That is simply not good enough. So from now on, I will dedicate myself to focus better and write more script based material.

I have not been taking care of myself. To little sleep and not enough exercise. That I have changed recently. I have started going to the gym and doing nightly exercises to get in shape. My roommate has said that everyone he has gone with has stopped going after a while, but that will not be me. I have the motivation, determination, and tenacity and only I will now the true meaning behind. I will not stop until I get where I want to go. As part of the exercise today, we climbed Bishops, the tallest mountain in SLO. I am not the biggest fan of heights, but it had to be done, and I am glad it happened. So from now on, it is exercise everyday to reach my goals.

I have not been building my craft. I am doing the little things to progress as an actor, but there is so much more I can do. I have come up with different exercises and routines that should work, but now I need to move them from the practice fields and give them some big game experience. Pretty soon this blog will take on a new form and become devoted to what I am doing each day to build my craft and progress as an actor. Auditions are coming up for next quarter's play "Julius Caesar." Shakespeare will be tough, and I may not get a part, I may not get a callback, but I will get an audition, and the least I can get from that is rejection. The thing that defines the actor; how much rejection can you take before you give up? The answer? However much rejection it takes until you reach the goals you have set for yourself. When do you know you have reached your goals? Never. You should always be setting newer, bigger, and better goals to achieve, that way there is aways something more to do. So from now on, the craft is going pro.

I have not been keeping to touch with the people that are important to my life and make me who I am. That needs to change, big time. They are the motivation behind everything I do. The last couple days I have been trying to reach out more to the people from my past and see how things are going, but I need to raise the effort and go further. Not just for the people I already know either. I need to meet more people and get to know them. Know their personalities, learn their stories. The more the better, it will only help me in one way or another. Either I will meet a good character and get a good story, or I will get rejected, which could prove to be even more beneficial. So from now on, "Hello, my name's Eric. How are you today? Be honest."

I said change my life this Wednesday, and hopefully this is the start of it.

I'm coming back, and not with a whimper, but with a bang.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

frustatingly ambitious

Listening to Maroon 5 on shuffle and thinking about... everything.

So much I want to do right now, but too bogged down to actually do any of it.

This could be the perfect title of my autobiography.

Note to self: Change the tone of your negative blog you PRICK! Change your life this Wednesday.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

too tired to bitch (even I'm shocked)

If I had the time I would write a post devoted to bitching about accounting that would put the stats posts in the past to shame. But I just don't care enough, or want to devote any more time to accounting than I already have to.

In other news...

I need to write more, and actually finish the post I started three days ago.

Things need to slow down.

I need to focus better.

So thinking about it... nothing's changed.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

no whey!

Chocolate milk + tuna (at 2:30 in the morning) = no need for protein powder.

Sophomore sixteen here I come.