be careful what you think for

In my last post I stated that I need to stop worrying about the future and start living in the present. One small problem, the present isn't that great of a place. By living in the present today I did not think about my future (as much) but instead forced myself to look at where I currently am. One question came to mind.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE!

Am I the dumbest person in the world for getting into UCLA and choosing to not attend?

During this day of thinking about the present I looked at the transfer requirements for UCLA, but then realized that I probably wouldn't even be happy there. Since they do not have a business major, I probably would not get into their film school, I would not have a car, and most likely would not be working. Right now I feel like I am not going anywhere or making any progress in my life.

I could just drop out of school right now and dive in head first to what I really want to do, without caring what people may think of my decisions or how foolish my actions may seem to be to them. But at least I would be living MY life, and never wonder 10, 20, 30 years from now while sitting in a corner office of an advertising agency staring out at whatever view I may have, asking myself "what could have been, if I just took the chance?"

If I had just taken the chance when I was young enough, brave enough, and just slightly stupid enough to just go for it. To do what I want in life, what makes me happy, and go after my dream. Now is that time. I want to be DOING something with my life.

What is this dream I seek, that no one is asking me?

I want to be a writer / actor. I want to move to New York, RIGHT NOW, and go for it. Study at the Actors Studio, where the greats of Hoffman, Hackman, Pacino, De Niro, Dean, McQueen once were. THE GREATS. JUST GO FOR IT. GO FOR YOUR DREAM DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. NO REGRETS.

That's more than what most people can say they did with their lives. Yeah, I think I could be happy here in SLO (eventually), and be happy down the road working in advertising or as a talent / sports agent, but it will always be in the back of my mind...

"what could you have been...if you went for it?"